Friday, December 30, 2011

A Delicate Dance

This time of year we are bombarded with so many messages that encourage us to change this or that about ourselves. For many, this time of year also marks an annual ritual in which they examine their lives, at least for a moment, and begin to think through all the things they want to bring forth into their lives through intention and goal setting.

As yogis we enter this territory with a delicate balance of acceptance and transformation. What I have learned the hard way throughout my life is that unless this dance is approached with an attitude of friendliness towards "what is" about life in this moment (which includes my body, emotions, practice, etc) then a subtle, or sometimes even not so subtle form of aggression can take root, which in turn can impede any true or deep transformation at all.

So many of us, myself included, begin practices such as intention or goal setting with the premise that we are not good enough as we are in this moment, and so change is necessary to correct deficiencies within ourselves. When we do this, I think we create harm to ourselves. I also truly believe, because I have experienced this time and again, that even if we accomplish the goal we set out to, there will still remain a part of ourselves that still won't accept and love the self we have just created. There will remain an uneasiness, an undercurrent of discontent, that will still seek more ways to change even this version of ourselves because it's still not quite good enough. In that space of not "enoughness" we fall prey to others views and messages of all the ways we are not enough--but could be if we just follow their 10 easy steps to (fill in the blank).

If we approach our practice from a place of loving-kindness, which would mean developing an attitude of friendliness to all that we are in this moment, then our aggression moving forward would lessen. A shift in perception can go a long way in creating a powerful practice, a delicate dance between opening up to all that we are in this moment with joy, acceptance, and "enoughness" in partnership with revealing more beauty, fullness, and radiance of who we are.

Borrowing language from my social work background, I would call this a strengths-based approach to practice. So rather than beginning with what you think you don't have--tap into all that you do. While I am sure all of us think that we could be stronger, more flexible, this or that, it's also true that those elements already exist in abundance within you. The delicate dance we engage in then begins by opening up to the gifts, treasures, and power within you. Noticing all that is good, right, and true within and coming from that place first. Tapping into your strengths shifts everything. Then rather than trying to change yourself because you are not enough, you practice to reveal more of who you are.

May your practice reveal all that is wonderful about you!

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
― Dr. Seuss, Happy Birthday to You!

Monday, December 26, 2011

Generosity

Opening up to generosity is a powerful practice. The acts of giving and of receiving, if done in a heart focused and conscious way, can be a conduit for increased happiness and contentment within our lives.

There has been a wealth of research done in the last 25 years which has shown just how powerful the act of giving can be, including simply just thinking about helping another! The research done by the HeartMath Institute has shown that just by thinking of extending a heart quality such as care, gratitude, appreciation, etc. towards another for even just 5 minutes has a significant boost to our immune system. While many yogis and meditators will already attest that they knew that practices such a metta (loving kindness) and tonglen (breathing in the suffering of others and transforming it into compassion and care) had powerful effects on their energy, health, and well-being--science is starting catch up, or at least show up to prove that these practices not only help us feel better mentally, but that they also make us healthier!

To begin to cultivate generosity in your practice this week start with harnessing appreciation and gratitude for all that has brought you to this moment. As you take your seat in opening meditation, take your hands to your heart and breathe deeply to and from the heart. Notice the beat of your heart, the feeling, the sound, all that you can-dive into the richness of the heart. When you feel immersed in the rhythm of your heart, bring to mind all the blessings that have brought you to this place. To have the time to practice and the means to support it is a blessing, to have the internet from which to read this is a blessing, to have good health, or at least decent health is a blessing- keep the list rolling and invite the goodwill from your appreciation to swell in the temple of your heart. Let your heart receive the generosity blooming forth from this practice.

As you begin to cultivate this feeling state, you tap into the natural abundance of all that you are and all that you have. From here it is much easier to give out freely and without attachment to outcomes. Throughout the physical practice connect to the breath cycle so that you are aware with each inhale what you are willing to receive, and with each exhale what you are willing to give. You breathe in to experience abundance, and exhale to share generously the gifts and blessings you have to give.

Then at the end of the practice, after receiving so much from the power of appreciation and gratitude, direct your attention to others. In meditation bring your hands back to you heart. Guide the breath there, in and out from the heart. Bring to mind someone or something that could use some heart energy directed their way and cradle them close in the energetic field of your heart. Repeat the mantra "may you be happy and free from suffering" or one of your choosing that conveys compassion and care. Stay in this energy for up to five minutes.

Close your practice with the chant: Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu May all beings everywhere be happy and free from suffering.

Peace to you!

Monday, December 19, 2011

The Yoga of Conflict-Part 2

Continuing our journey this week we will explore the possibilities of applying the Niyamas to Conflict situations. The Yamas are how we interact with the external world, the Niyamas are how we interact with ourselves, our internal world. The five Niyamas are: Shaucha, Santosha, Tapas, Swadhyaya, and Ishwara-Pranidhana.

Shaucha- Simplicity, purity, refinement, clarity
Nischala Joy Devi says that through simplicity and continual refinement (saucha), the body, thoughts, and emotions become clear reflections of the self within. She continues that saucha reveals our joyful nature, and the yearning to know the self blossoms.

To me, applying this principle to my relationships with others means keeping things simple, and as best as I am able to, bring a sense of lightness to my interactions with others. One way in which this can happen is through my filter of what I assign meaning to, and how I interpret the behavior of others. One model of understanding how conflicts arise is someone says or does something, we create a story about why they did it in our heads, and based on the story we tell ourselves we feel something, and based on the feeling we act. It's no wonder complications ensue in our interactions with others! While the story we have told ourselves may be true, often times it is not, or at least is missing some key facts.

I have found myself fretting needlessly over situations that were quite simple, but because I created stories for others' behaviors, I made walls and walls of complications creating strain and stress for me and others. Think of the times in which others assigned stories, which just were not true, to your behaviors. Often times we don't even know if someone is acting off of what we said or did, or the story they created about what we said or did. However, if and when we do understand, it can be quite interesting to see just how conflict arises when we rely on the info from our stories rather than the facts of what actually happened. This can be understood by separating out what actually happened (observations) and what we think it means (interpretations).

As a practice of saucha, keep things simple. See if you can let what someone says, mean exactly what they say--try not to assign a story to it. If you just can't shake the story and you have bought into it fully, before you act on it, check in with the person to see if it's true and give them a chance to share more. When you do this, share your observations without the story and ask for more clarification if needed.

Santosha- Contentment, being at peace with oneself and others.

In Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication method there is a theory that behind every act of violence there is an unmet need. This may be a stretch to soak in intellectually, especially when considering the range of hostile, gruesome, and hate-filled acts that occur daily in our world. However if you allow yourself to peel back the layers of complexity of such situations, eventually at the core there is a basic human need that fuels the action of each of us, and no matter how unskillfully, or how violently we seek to meet those needs, what can give us hope in any conflict is that we all share those basic needs.

What is also true then is that through the practice of santosha we can lessen the impact that our behaviors may have in the creation of conflict. If it's true that most, if not all conflict arises in response to someone trying to get their needs met then it also is true that if we are content in our lives with what we already have then we are less likely to rely on others to have our needs met. So much conflict ensues because of hidden agendas and expectations that others should do something for us, or that rely on others to meet emotional and physical needs. Oftentimes we're not even aware that we are using people unconsciously to fulfill those needs.

Through consistent meditation and yoga we uncover these hidden drives and can choose to release them. We can choose to be centered and in love with the life we have. When we connect to the abundance we have and are grateful for it we rely less and less on others. When this happens it dramatically shifts our interactions with others and our relationships become more heart centered and rooted in integrity. People become less like pawns in our game to meet our needs, and more like companions in our life journey.


Tapas- Igniting the purifying flame

Every response is either a blessing or a blame. The former will bless you; the latter will boomerang back at you. If an attack thought enters your mind, surrender it to God rather than acting on it. Express to Him your willingness to see the situation differently. Your thoughts will then be purified, and you will respond from power instead of reacting from weakness. And thus we grow....Marianne Williamson

When we invite tapas into the picture, we invite a fire of purification. We release all attack thoughts and all thoughts that aim to horriblize the other get interrupted and transformed through a conscious heart alchemy.

A great practice to transform your thoughts about another person with whom you are in conflict with is to write out their positive qualities and all the things you appreciate about them. Think of a time in which they have been helpful to you, or another person. Then take 5 minutes to focus on your heart, breathe in and out from your heart, and bring to mind that person and think of all the things you appreciate about them practicing gratitude for what they have brought into the world that is positive and good.

Remember that if you hold on to negative feelings towards another, like anger or resentment it has negative impacts on your health and when you take time to cultivate positive energy and emotions for others it has a big impact on your immune system in positive way. So not only does it actually make you healthier, it will also transform how you approach your interactions with others. It shifts your energy from a heart at war, to one at peace. If you arm yourself up with all the "peace, love, and nonviolent techniques" and yet your heart is still at war it just won't work. The other person's B.S. meter will go off. If however you cultivate tapas and burn through the hard and complicated emotions that are triggering you and cultivate a heart at peace--it will shift the conflict.


Swadhyaya- Sacred study of the divine through scripture, nature, and introspection.

"You can't undo anything you've already done, but you can face up to it. You can tell the truth. You can seek forgiveness. And then let God do the rest.” ~Anonymous

One way to invite swadhyaya into the heart of conflict is to examine your role in the dispute. What if anything could you have done differently, what could the other person perceived as an attack from you? Being willing to examine your role and be accountable to the other person for anything you have done is going to support the process immensely. Often times after a conflict, once I have set aside my righteousness, I can find the ways in which I could have approached what I have said to others more skillfully, or with more compassion. It wasn’t necessarily that what I said was wrong, or untrue, but even truth needs to be tempered with compassion and heart and placed within the context of relationship. Take time to check in with yourself to see the ways in which the other could have possibly perceived you, center yourself in their shoes and discover what may have triggered their fear, defenses, or anger.

Beyond the current conflict you are in you can also take time to examine how you approach conflicts in general and through the insights you receive do the work you need to do to bring more clarity, openness, and care into your interactions so that you approach interactions with others with more mindfulness and integrity.

Ishwara-Pranidhana- Surrender to God Devi Joy states that dedication and devotion to the divine is key to unlocking our hearts. She continues with "When living with an open heart we see clearly as the pathways of our life unfold."

I have found myself in some conflicts in which no amount of planning or usage of a "technique" has seemed to do the trick. In fact some conflicts have been so overwhelming I simply tried to ignore them hoping that they would just go away, or handled them so poorly that the grew much larger than they needed too.

Albert Einstein said you cannot solve the problems of the world from the same level of thinking that created them. Applying Ishwara-Pranidhana is to surrender the situation to the divine and ask for a change heart and thoughts. Say a prayer, or do a mediation in which you invite a miracle, healing, or forgiveness to enter into the situation. Invite possibility into the situation. If you stay focused on what went wrong, or what “they” did “to” you, it keeps you in the realm of the past. Ishwara-Pranidhana is opening up to something bigger and invites the broadening of perception and perspectives.

The Yoga of Conflict- Part 1

Having been immersed in conflict resolution studies as of late, I had been wondering if there were some ways to connect the time tested philosophies of Yoga to explore new angles to approaching conflict, or at least new lenses from which to see and understand conflict. For me, sometimes just a little twist on a concept or idea can awaken new pathways of understanding and make a practice come to life in a way it hadn't for me before. While I have so thoroughly enjoyed my conflict resolution studies, I wanted to see what Patanjali's Yoga Sutras could offer my reflections on how to communicate with others, especially in the heat of conflict. I am not approaching this process from a literal perspective, but rather what the concept inspires within me, allowing the principle to come to life in a way that can be applied to communication.

I want to note that I am working on some other writings right now related to conflict, including one titled the Heart of Conflict. For this article I am drawing on some of those larger works and plan to share the fuller versions of them when they are completed. For now, let's soak up the wisdom of the sutras.

Patanjali's Yoga Sustras are one of the most valued texts for yogis worldwide and is a foundation text for teachers and students of Yoga. I am using a translation by Nischala Joy Devi as it's one that I feel reflects a more heart centered interpretation (and it's one of the few translations by a woman). I most especially like her take on the Yamas and Niyamas (Guidelines for how we interact with the outer world and our inner world) and will be using those for an exploration into the yoga of speech. As Devi says, the Yamas and Niyamas, rather than being a list of dos and don'ts, are essentially, at a deeper level, a tribute to being- an affirmation of our divine nature. The point is not to beat oneself up if you cannot attain them in every moment, but rather to use these principles as a guide on your path to a more heart centered life.

To some degree or another we all enter into challenging daily interactions with others that provide us with monumental opportunities to engage with our deepest truth and integrity. And let’s face it - more often than not, we leave situations of conflict feeling an edgy tension - a feeling that if we had behaved differently, we may have had a different experience or outcome.

The truth is that every interaction, every word we speak, allows for either heart-engagement or heart-estrangement. It's easy to be accepting and compassionate when others behave how we wish or do what we want. But living in full integrity becomes truly interesting when others are not willing to do what we want or do not have the skill set to engage with us with a similar approach.

Engaging with others in full truth and integrity requires that we connect with the deepest reserves of compassion and understanding in ourselves. We can think of this as a heart-based approach to relating with others. Although we don’t often use the word ‘heart’ in association with relationships outside of our closest interpersonal ones, we can safely apply this language to any relationship we have. This is true because the primary relationship that drives this process is the relationship one has with one’s own heart. In this way, a heart-based approach using the Yamas and Niyamas can be used in the workplace, in organizations in which you’re engaged - even with complete strangers.

Let's begin with an exploration of how the Yamas can enhance our capacity to express the best of our heart when in conflict with others.

The five yamas are: Ahimsa. Satya, Asteya, Brahmacharya, Aparigraha.

Ahimsa: Reverance, love, compassion for all
This is the foundation from which all the others burst forth. If we could apply just one principle and see a shift in our interactions with others, it would be this one. All too often in our interactions we see guilt, rather than the innocence of another. This isn't to imply that the other has not caused harm on some level, what I am referring to is their essential nature. Connecting the spirit of Ahimsa is powerful work and requires that we dig deep to see the divinity in the other, the sacredness within them and then have reverence and awe for that energy within them. No matter what they have done if we choose to see their inherent goodness it shifts the conversation.

What is important to remember in these situations is that none of us are made up solely of our worst behaviors. One of the beauties of being human is that we have the capacity to change and grow. We are all capable of being reminded that we can make new choices in any interaction presented in order to bring forth a more generous and integrous version of ourselves. We can choose reconciliation over dehumanization. One important gateway to this experience is through compassion - which requires that we objectively (as much as we are able to) put ourselves in the other person’s shoes.

When we’re faced with a conflict with another person, we do not know the circumstances that brought them to this moment - we can only guess. But that curiosity is in fact the gateway to real compassion. If you find it difficult to easily enter into an empathetic space, being curious is the first key. You can try this with yourself. The next time you’re feeling like you’ve made a mistake, instead of jumping into judgement or criticism, ask instead - what could I have done differently, and why didn’t I do that? The answers may surprise you. When you’re curious, and you start to uncover the reasons for your actions, 9 times out of 10 you’re going to be instantly in touch with compassionate understanding.

You’ll need a healthy approach to self-compassion before you can extend that towards others, so don’t underestimate the power of working on your self first.

One simple way to start to engage compassionately with another person in conflict is to consider the phrase "just like me this person...", filling in the blank with what you think that person’s needs might be in the moment. This can ground you in the remembrance of some form of shared humanity - which is often completely inaccessible when someone is yelling at you! For example, you might think: just like me this person wants to be happy, or just like me this person wants to be secure, etc. When you become aware of that person’s full humanity, the likelihood of staying connected to your heart is high. And that connection is the key to maintaining the compassion that is essential for a heart connection.

If we see someone as an “other” - as a projection, or as a symbol of some idea - we dehumanize them, opening up the possibility that violence can occur. So in a moment of heated conversation your thoughts can either be judgemental: "this person is being completely unreasonable", or compassionate: "just like me this person wants to be respected".

There is an age-old philosophical debate about humanity’s inherent good vs. evil. But I believe strongly that few people wake up in the morning actually wishing to be a force for evil in the world. While many people do commit profound acts of evil, there is always hope (and much proof throughout history) that we can reform. We have amazing resilience and even the most troubled of us can be brought back from the brink of complete disconnection from our humanity.

If you were to sum this principle up it would be the willingness to hold back our condemnation and judgement of others and choose to see their fullest humanity, their sacredness, and speak to them from that place of reverence. Remembering they are more than what they have done in this moment or the past--they are connected to the source of all that is, just like you. Speak to that source within them and see if you notice any shifts in the conflict.

Satya- Truthfulness and integrity

When I think of satya one of the first things that comes to me is actually a spill over from ahimsa, which is the old Buddhist saying "First, do no harm". There are some who argue truth should always be spoken no matter what. To me, I argue that truth should always be tempered through the lens of ahimsa. There are ways in which we can say what we need to say without humiliating others, we can be both truthful and compassionate. Applying satya to our interactions with others means that we don't embellish what we have to say, but rather learn to be very specific and factual always speaking to others' behaviors without attacking who they are as a person and without blaming them (so rather than saying you made me feel this, it becomes "when this happened I felt this") it's a subtle shift but an important one.

Another way in which satya calls us to deeper reflection and awareness of our speech is through the way we share information with others. I am working on a longer piece right now on the topic of gossip, but for now I will leave you with this story from Socrates:

In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem. One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, “Do you know what I just heard about your friend?” Hold on a minute,” Socrates replied. “Before telling me anything, I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Triple Filter Test.”

Triple filter?”

That’s right,” Socrates continued. “Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you’re going to say. That’s why I call it the triple filter test.

The first filter is TRUTH. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?” No,” the man said, “actually I just heard about it and…”

All right,” said Socrates. “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second filter, the filter of GOODNESS. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?”

No, on the contrary…”

So,” Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about him, but you’re not certain it’s true. You may still pass the test though, because there’s one filter left: the filter of USEFULNESS. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?”

“No, not really.”

Well,” concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?”

This triple filter, which includes both satya and ahimsa is a good test of whether or not we should pass info on to others. One way to support conflict in ending is to stop fueling the fire.

Asteya: Generosity

Connecting to generosity in the heat of conflict is another one of the skills that is challenging to say the least. One way to do this is to shift gears from the win/lose mentality to a win/win heart focus. There may not be a path forward in which everyone's needs can be reasonably met in the conflict, but the willingness to entertain possibilities is what creates goodwill and flexibility. It's the openness that your generosity creates which fosters conduits for miracles to arise.

So rather than viewing the other/s in conflict as adversaries or opponents, there is a shift that occurs that extends in invitation to them to join you as a partner to cooperate to solve any given issue that is causing the conflict. So rather than, "I want to win", which means you have to lose, it becomes "I want to win, and I want you to win too."

In cases where win/win's are not possible, asteya invites us to explore authentic compromise as well. Is there an opportunity to provide avenues for as many of your needs to be met while giving up some of what you wanted that doesn't feel like you would resent what had happened or the other person for? Remember a true compromise won't leave you feeling like you truly "gave" something away, and if it is from a generous spirit committed to heart connection is becomes a choice that you made consciously to heal a rift in a relationship. When something feels like a gift, rather than something you had to do it makes a huge difference.

Another aspect of generosity/asteya is one of forgiveness. I am reminded of the quote In Matthew 18:21, 22, in which Peter asks Jesus “How many times shall I forgive my brother? Seven times? “ And Jesus says, ‘not seven times but seventy times seven’. This is often a reminder to be generous in our actions towards others. There is no cap on how often we should forgive others--no matter how many times they have missed the mark in our interactions. It doesn't mean not to hold others accountable, forgiveness is really an inner shift from which all we say and do manifests. There are two sayings that I have heard from Marianne Williamson (not sure of her source)which go "whatever you withhold will be witholded from you" and also "in any given situation whatever is lacking is what you are not willing to give". Be generous with your willingness to forgive others and notice the effects on you and the relationship.

Brahmacharya: Balance and moderation of the vital life force

Nothing can zap your life force or keep you stuck quite like conflict. When I think of bramacharya and it's applications to conflict I think of the idea of broadening perspectives, or stepping out side of the conflict to get a bigger view of what is really happening. I think to my own experiences and how very often how I react to others is usually not measured with what actually happened--meaning I react to what happened in way that is not proportionate.

So often in conflict we respond to others with what is called a fight or flight response. In some cases those strategies might be called for. Sometimes we do have to be fierce to prevent a greater harm from occurring and sometimes the smartest thing to do is to just walk away and say/do nothing. However, very often these two strategies are a default because conflict has either been festering too long without any action (except for the eating away of our life force from not saying anything) or has escalated to dangerous heights because we have said to much unskillfully (again when things have reached this point of extreme anger it has taken a toll on our health and energy).

Bramacharya is the willingness to find the middle path in conflict, the idea of neither fight or flight, but flow. Pema Chodron in her book Practicing Peace in a Time of War says that one way to broaden our perspective is to notice our habitual patterns of conflict and when we find ourselves beginning to step into that current again, remind ourselves of the typical outcome. If we want to have the same thing happen then by all means, stick with it, but if you want to open up to something fresh, something that maybe has a little bit more life affirming energy behind it, stop, pause, breathe, and choose again. It could even be as simple as saying in the moment of conflict- Let's start this over, I know that if we keep this up we'll end up fighting, I don't want that. Let's try again and see if we can focus on really hearing each other. Whatever the core issue is. You can always stop and get a fresher perspective. You, or everyone involved can walk up an imaginary set of stairs and look down so to speak and see if anything emerges from that new perch of awareness.

Aparigraha: Awareness of abundance, fulfillment

When I contemplated this one the thing that kept coming to me was appreciation and gratitude for what the situation and person had gifted to me from the interaction. So rather than think about the harm the person has done, or what they have taken from me, I shift my focus to what I can learn, what new information they have given to me about myself, and life itself, what opportunities that they may have opened up for me. I appreciate the conflict for the chance to become a better expression of the divine in this world.

I recognize that there are many ways to get my needs met, and that so many of my needs are already met. I do not need to have this specific set of circumstances unfold in the ways I think I want them to. I do not need this person to do as I think I need them to do. My mantra becomes "this or something better". So much of our suffering and that of others comes from the striving and desire for things to be other than they are or from a perceived lack of material and spiritual resources.

When I appreciate what I have already and have true gratitude for it. I find that my need to control outcomes and behaviors of others to meet my needs lessens.

I also know to be true that appreciation and gratitude towards others can help to invite healing into any relationship. Recently when I had a conflict with a friend, before I approached them about the issue I was having I knew I needed to tap into a more loving energy towards them. I wrote down all that I loved about them, what I truly appreciated about them and it immediately shifted how I felt about our conflict. I even shared with that person what I enjoyed about them and it created a moment of true care and compassion, which I feel supported a more heart centered outcome for our conversation. I encourage you to do this with others when they vent to you about someone they are in conflict with (once you have fully heard them out) ask them to think of things that they like about the other person, or times in which they have done the right thing, or even qualities that they appreciate. When we recognize the abundance of gifts and resources that everyone has, even when we are in conflict with them we discover possible tools to draw from to help heal the relationship too.

Next week we will continue with an examination of the Niyamas.

Friday, December 16, 2011

What are you open to?

The poet Rumi is the source of inspiration for my practice and teaching this week. He says “Your hand opens and closes, opens and closes. If it were always a fist or always stretched open, you would be paralysed. Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding, the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated as birds' wings.”

I've been thinking this week about the ways in which I open and close within in my practice and life in everything from people who I engage with, ideas, poses, practices, breath, thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc..

I've also been thinking a lot about when I need to be strong, or bring more effort into my practice or life situations, and also when I need to soften, or yield.

I've been mindful to not judge what I am observing, but taking care to reflect on if what I am doing is serving me, or holding me back from experiences and interactions that would serve me better.

To me Hatha yoga is a vehicle for greater depths of understanding within my own psyche and heart. It's a practice of mindfulness meditation, but also of awakening to what is true and alive in the present moment and working consciously with what arises.

So in practice, to help the words of Rumi come to life more fully for me and students, I have connected the principles of muscle and organic energy along with inner and outer spiral to the theme of cultivating balance. Taking those principles and discovering within to what degree those principles can be invoked to bring balanced action within the moment. For me it's been interesting to observe what postures I soften too much in, and also the ones in which I "muscle" through. I even had a fresh observation in my cobra pose when I was practicing yesterday in which I realized I was over doing my skull loop.

It has also been interesting to observe my students bodies in class and to see common themes of where many people soften too much (see this great down dog tutorial by my teacher des which shows too much softness, and then how to bring balanced action), or are too strong, and also the little nuances that each of us bring, our little challenges and also the beauty of balance within so many and how balanced action is different for everyone (and that's why bodies look so different in poses).

Rumi's words have supported me in a friendly heart-opened way to see things as they are and to notice where there is already balance, what is needed to bring balance, and also to remember that balance is like birds' wings, or like breath--changing moment to moment. Remembering that what brought balance yesterday, may not tomorrow, or even in the next moment. It's a continual process of reflection, action, reflection and so on. In this way, nothing is ever static, everything is always pulsing, alive, and moving bringing us, if we so choose, into greater depths of being in the moment.

Have a great week!

Friday, December 9, 2011

Opening up to grace

This week I am focusing my practice and teachings on the Anusara alignment principle of opening up to grace. This principle is the first of 5 main alignment steps in the Anusara system, the other steps are: Muscular Energy, Inner Spiral, Outer Spiral, and Organic Energy. You can learn more about the other steps in an earlier blog post I did here

For now, I'd like to focus on opening up to grace, as I am finding its meaning and relevance for my practice and life so powerful right now. To me, opening up to grace is the perfect way to begin practice. It's an opportunity to remember to connect and commit to something bigger, not outside of you, but something powerful within. I think of it as connecting to the current and spirit of life-that which sustains, uplifts, nurtures, and guides us if we allow it to. To me, that's ultimately the gift of practice to help support us in aligning with the current and flow of life.

This week as I practice I am noticing the ways in which I contract and expand, open and close, and resist the flow on and off the mat. I am taking time to observe when I need to be strong and when I can be soft and soften. I am noticing when I am forcing or flowing, or when I am flowing without integrity or stability. Paying this much attention can be difficult without first opening up to that vast spaciousness of grace.

Here is a little practice you can do to try this week to support you in opening up to grace. First, come to Tadasana, Mountain pose. Begin by noticing how your body is receiving your inhales. Notice where breath moves easily and freely, and then also notice where there is tightness or heaviness. Gradually begin to grow your breath intentionally supporting and guiding it into the tight places that need it. Continue to nourish the body for a good 2 min with this focused intentional breathing.

Now open to grace. Soften everywhere and allow breath to fill that softness with powerful awareness. Channel that alertness from the ground up to your pelvic floor, heart and then all the way to the crown of you head. Notice where breath is flowing with that awakened energy. Sometimes we open only to the areas that we know well, leaving those areas that are hard to connect with "out of the flow". Check to see if your breath only in the front of the body, is all the awareness there? Open to grace and feel a sense of your full inner body growing in all areas. Feel the breath awaken the sides of the body long so that the shoulders are buoyant and the armpits are more hollow. Breathe attentively into the lower and mid back feeling the kidneys awaken with buoyancy and lift (and the sides of the waist draw back slightly)- almost as if bowing into that source of grace. Savor this, and then soften the skin and the muscles around the fullness of your bright inner body. You are supported from the inside out. Allow each inhale to make the inner body brighter, and each exhale wrap the outer body gently around the support and radiance of your inner body. Repeat this in every pose--before you put your effort into creating a shape, soften, grow from the inside first, then move into the the more active stages of alignment to refine the creation that grace began. See what shifts open up for you as you open up to grace.

Peace,

Michael

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Being Fixed

As I have continued my journey in my conflict resolution class I can't help but draw parallels with my yoga practice. One issue that I have been mentally chewing on is the idea of being fixed in my positions and beliefs and the ways in which it limits my ability to have new insights and experiences.

I have been bringing a new level of awareness into my conversations with others and noticing the ways in which my fixed ideas of right/wrong, should/shouldn't come out and the ways in which it impacts the quality of the conversation or interaction. I notice when others back down when fixed positions shine through me, or when others present or react with their own fixedness, and the ways in which dialog shifts to debate or silence when fixedness emerges.

I notice my fixed qualities in yoga when I take another teacher's class, attend a workshop, read a yoga book or article and the thoughts pop up--"well that's not true", or "that isn't good sequencing" or the best one "that's not how I would have said it, or done it". Does that sound familiar to you? What ways does fixedness emerge within your own yoga practice or teaching? Has your fixedness ever prevented you from trying a new technique of coming into a pose? Have you ever tightened up more in a pose in resistance to a teacher's adjustment? Have you as a teacher forced a student into a shape (outside of safety reasons) because you had a fixed idea of what they should look like or be capable of? Have you ever found yourself saying things like "Well the correct way to do this is..."

I'm not saying that there are no "right" or "wrongs" in yoga. And it's true as well that all of us have accumulated years of personal experience of what works well for our body too. There is however plenty that falls outside of the realm of "right/wrong" in which all of us fall into the fixedness trap. For example, ask any yoga teacher how to practice Triangle pose, when to practice inversions in the practice, which pranayama practices are OK for beginners, what should be taught to beginners, should music be played during class, should Sanskrit even be used unless you can pronounce it correctly, etc..

All of those issue are ones that have been talked about and debated in many circles and even in many conversations I have had with teachers, students, and others. Notice how when you read that your own positions came up. Did any of them feel tight, hot, fixed? I know my fixedness sure came up.

As I was thinking about all of this and about how fixedness prevents us from new experiences, new ways and opportunities of interacting with others and our practice, I was reminded of a teaching from Buddhism described clearly by Pema Chodron.

She writes "When you see the Buddha, kill the Buddha" which means that when you see that you're clinging or grasping to anything, whether conventionally it's called good or bad, make friends with that. Look into it. Get to know it completely and utterly. In that way it will let go of itself.

She then shares a story to illustrate the conflict that ensue when we become fixed in our positions: There was a god who knew how men and women love to believe things to be true and make clubs and religions and political systems with the people who agree with them. They just love to make something out of nothing and then write its name on a big banner and march down the street waving it and yelling and screaming, only to have people who believe the opposite come toward them with their banner, yelling and screaming. This god decided to try to prove a point about the human condition so that people might, in seeing the absurdity of it, have a good laugh. (A good laugh is the best way to kill the Buddha.) He constructed a big hat divided right down the middle, the left side of which was brilliant blue and the right side flaming red. Then he went to a place where many people were working in the fields on the left side of a road and many other people were working in the fields on the right side of the road. There the god manifested in all his glory; no one could miss him. Big and radiant, wearing his hat, he walked straight down the road. All the people on the right side of the road dropped their hoes and looked up at this god; all the people on the left side of the road did the same. Everybody was amazed. Then he disappeared. Everyone shouted, "We saw God! We saw God!" They were all full of joy, until someone on the left said, "There he was in all his radiance and in his red hat!" And people on the right said, "No, he had on a blue hat." This disagreement escalated until the people built walls and began to throw stones at each other. Then the god appeared again. This time he walked in the other direction and then disappeared. Now all the people looked at each other and the ones on the right said, "Ah, you were right, he did have on a red hat. We're so sorry, we just saw incorrectly. You were right and we were wrong." The ones on the other side said, "No, no. You were right. We were wrong." At this point they didn't know whether to fight or to make friends. Most of them were completely puzzled by the situation. Then the god appeared again. This time he stood in the middle and he turned to the left and then he turned around to the right, and everyone started to laugh.

This week, notice which practices you cling to, the ways in which you're fixed, and the ways in which the beliefs you cling to prevent you from opening up to something new, whether it be a relationship, pose, experience, or an idea. Ask yourself when you notice this quality of fixedness, in what ways has it served you in the past, or currently, and in what ways has it held you back? Also, when you are locked in a conversation with another in which their fixed position has either triggered silence or aggression within you, pause and remember the insights from your own questioning process and have compassion for them too. Remember anytime we are fixed, unless we examine it with compassion or spaciousness, we will tighten our grip on that issue even more--same can be true with others as well.

I'll leave you with a quote that can help your inquiry process this week:

‎"The bad news is you're falling through the air, nothing to hang on to, no parachute. The good news is there's no ground." - Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche

Have a wonderful week!